Around the sun

Somewhere far away
Somewhere warm.
Or maybe somewhere cold
But definitely somewhere new.

Somewhere with reindeer
Or just regular deer
Or bears
But definitely some cute little marmottes.

That’s where I want to go with you.
Far away from the things that set off my alarms and my pain.

Somewhere I don’t hurt you
Somewhere I don’t snap at you.
Somewhere I can listen to you
And definitely somewhere I don’t put my pain on you.

Somewhere with fresh food
Fresh air
Fresh water
And definitely things to do.

That’s where I want to go with you.
Far away from the things that bring me to my knees.

I spend my days fantasizing about running away.
I find myself afraid of going outside.
I fear tomorrow and the day after that 

And I fear my phone buzzing.

I don’t know why I stutter.
I don’t know what I’m ashamed off.
I don’t know what crime I’ve committed
To feel so guilty every time I look in your eyes.

You’re kind.

You’re pure.

You look like marble.

You feel like white silk.

Your words rub my chest and pull the darkness out of my ears.

The way you smile at me, the way you touch my face,
The way you laugh, the way you kiss me,
The way you grab me, the way you get excited to go to brunch,
The way you fight with me, the way you make-up with me,
The way you hold me, the way I hold you,
The way you rock me, the way I crack your back,
I could go on…

I am so afraid of this life falling away from me,
For the first time in my years I have a life that could fall away.

There are dangers to my thoughts,
There are sharp edges to my feelings.
There’s guilt in my head
There’s fears in my fingertips.

My bones are brittle,
My skin is thin.
My blood is thick,
My heart hurts.

It hurts everyday,
Every minute of every hour.
The only medicine is you,
But that simply won’t do

For the rest of our trips around the sun.

I just need to go somewhere far away,
Hopefully that somewhere is in my own mind

.