Stutter

Stutter::

The demons came back today. I saw them in an aisle at the grocery store. Black clouds seeping out of the walls, curling around shampoo bottles and loaves of bread. The diet’s gone. It left with the rest of my horizons some days ago

This house is dark and dusty. There are scars on the walls, holes in the doors, stains on the curtains. Water in the air, sorrow in the furniture. I’m melting into the fabric of this cell. Slowing down, my fingers weigh a little more every little bit. My heart thumps dum dum then takes a breather. I forget how to breathe, I gasp for air and all I get is this kevlar around my voice box.

I start choking on my own words. They’re stuck in the folds of my throat. My lips turn to stone, my eyes close. My chest shakes like an earthquake and my hand punches me in the temple.

There’s this soot in my pores. There’s shame and guilt sticking to the insides of my veins. I can feel this tar, this sludge, this mud, in the pit of my stomach. I can feel the pain I cause her in my liver, in my kidneys, in my spine like this cancer of regret and all I want to do is drink bleach. I want to vaccum my life. I want to dust away the past mistakes that haunt me.

I saw them at a stop light. Shame. Fear. Regret. Guilt. Hatred. Loathing. I saw them waiting for the light to turn green. I saw them see me. I saw them grin. I saw them unsheathe their knives and gesture to the center of my sternum. I saw them tap their watch.

“It’s been a while” they said

I stuttered.